martes, mayo 24, 2005

DVB (Dwalks VIPS Blog)

Un blog se puede entender de muchas formas y una de ellas es verlo como un modo de mantener los recuerdos de una época tal y como se percibieron en su momento. A mi, si me preguntan qué recuerdo de mi año 1996, por ejemplo, puedo tirar de la cuerda y acordarme de bastantes cosas, pero no puedo evitar tener la sensación de que he olvidado otras muchas. Sé que, cuando pase el tiempo y relea lo que he guardado desde que comencé a escribir mi blog, este e-año será el más completo de todos los que he vivido hasta ahora, en cuanto a cantidad de información-revival de la que dispongo.

Y si reducimos este concepto a su mínima expresión, lo que queda es mi tarjeta Club VIPS.

Me la hice por primera vez junto a una chica con la que andaba líado que era adicta a los batidos y tortitas del VIPS. Como íbamos frecuentemente a este establecimiento, decidimos hacernos del Club VIPS y, como yo fui quien rellenó el panfleto, pues me autocoroné como el socio titular del Club y a ella la dejé como miembro asociado. Es decir, cada uno teníamos una tarjeta independiente personalizada con con nuestro nombre y vinculada a nuestra cuenta común. Con estas tarjetas, ibamos acumulando el 2,5% (creo) de lo que consumíamos, pero era yo quién recibía el dinero VIPS a mi nombre y a mi casa, mientras que el nombre de ella aparecía en la esquina inferior derecha del billete, en letras más pequeñas, como persona autorizada a gastarlo. Hasta aquí todo normal, vamos, que no inventamos nada.

Depués de que esta chica me abandonara por un batido de vainilla con doble chorro de sirope, comencé a salir con mi primera pareja seria y también nos hicimos socios del VIPS. Como yo ya lo era, fui a una dependienta del VIPS y le dije que quería dar de baja a la persona que aparecía como asociada y sustituirla por una nueva. Me dijeron que no había problema, me dieron otro panfleto y me aseguraron que la nueva socia recibiría su tarjeta en breve. Y así fue, pero la sorpresa llegó cuando al cabo de unos meses recibimos nuestro primer dinero VIPS y comprobamos extrañados que yo seguía siendo el titular (ok) mientras que ahora aparecían los nombres mi nueva pareja (ok) y de mi ex-rollo (no ok) como asociados, una encima de otra en la esquina del billete. Nos los tomamos a chufla y como el dinero sólo lo podía recibir yo, decidimos que era más coñazo arreglar el asunto que dejarlo estar, porque en todo caso saldríamos beneficiados si la primera chica decidía usar su tarjeta. Y así estuvimos durante toda nuestra relación.

Cuando comencé a salir con Ant, mi última pareja y mi gran amor, la historia se tripitió, aunque en esta ocasión le expliqué con cuidado a la dependienta lo que había sucedido la vez anterior con las duplicidades, para que no volviera a ocurrir. La dependienta me dijo que no me preocupara, que habría sido un error y que esta vez daría una orden específica para evitar que se diera la misma situación. El resultado fue tan óptimo que cuando nos llegó nuestro primer dinero VIPS, la única diferencia con el de los otros envíos que había recibido fue que ahora, en vez de los dos nombres anteriores (pasado1 y pasado2), aparecían los de tres personas (pasado1 y pasado2 + presente) asociadas al socio titular, que seguía siendo yo, en un perfecto orden cronológico en la esquina inferior derecha del billete. Ejém, también nos lo tomamos a cachondeo, pero en esta ocasión ya noté un puntito de incomodidad en Ant, quién se reía del tema por no decir "dwalks, qué coño es esto?". La verdad es que lo comprendí porque no debe ser muy halagador aparecer, aunque sea de esta inocente forma, entre los pasados de tu pareja en plan we'reateam y le dije que por mi parte no había problema en resetear mi vidaclubvips. Sin mayores discusiones, no le dimos mayor importancia al tema y lo dejamos como estaba sin hacer nada por resolverlo, así que continuamos recibiendo dinero VIPS con valor histórico durante toda nuestra relación hasta que rompimos el pasado junio. Por supuesto, cada billete que recibimos le daba derecho a Ant a ejecutar un comentario sarcástico (siempre pensé que eran demasiado divertidos y originales como para ser improvisados, pero bueno) que yo encajaba con deportividad y réplica diplomática.

En una de las últimas conversaciones que tuve con Ant después de que todo acabara, me dijo, entre risas sinceras y su gran sentido del humor, que se había ido un día al VIPS y se había dado de baja como asociada mía y que se había hecho una tarjeta propia, que no me lo tomase a mal, que no era ni despecho ni un golpe de orgullo, pero que no le apetecía estar la tercera en esa lista que no se sabía hasta dónde podría llegar. Y me recomendó que fuera consciente de que esa era una lista maldita y que me anduviera con ojo con las socias a las que metía porque estaban destinadas al fracaso. Y, la verdad es que llevaba razón.

Actualmente, llevo cerca de un año sin pareja y mi frecuencia de visitas al VIPS ha descendido notablemente, pero al fin, el otro día llegó a mi casa mi primer sobre con dinero VIPS de soltero, gracias a mi gusto ocasional por las quesadillas VIPS y el sándwich VIPS club. Con un punto de curiosidad, abrí el sobre, saqué el billete, miré la esquina inferior derecha y, cuando vi que ahí seguían los tres nombres de las chicas, fue cuando decidí asumir que mi tarjeta VIPS se había convertido definitivamente en mi segundo blog y que se había empeñado en no dejar que mi pasado se perdiera.

De momento no hay actualizaciones.

94 comentarios:

Mordiscos de realidad dijo...

Estoy con Ant, que mal rollo las listas de ex. Haz algo para que la proxima vez no vuelva a ocurrir. Como te sentirias tu si aparece como cuarto de la lista o quinto o sexto oe n el puesto 23? (como se dice bigesimotercero?). Recuerdas "Cuatro bodas y un funeral" cuando ambos recopilan la lista de ex y ella acumula puntos como si fuese un partido de baloncesto y el solo como si fuesen goles en un partido de futbol?, pues eso, un poco de tacto que eso a las chicas les importa. Uno de mis peores momentos, de esos cuando se me traba la lengua es cuando llega nu momento en una relacion en el que las chicas se interesan por tu pasado y uno no sabe de prestarle La Historia Interminable para que se haga una idea (no acaba nunca y esta lleno de aventuras, de princesas y de monstruos)

Tony Tornado dijo...

Muy buen post, Dwalks, me quito el sombrero.

Eso sí, ten cuidado con la advertencia de Ant, a ver si va a tener razón...
Yo aparezco como socio asociado en la tarjeta de mi ex, pero el dinero VIPS sigue llegando a mi casa, y de vez en cuando, le invito a él a cenar, por seguir haciendo uso de sus cheques...

Pero quizá me haga una...

Mordiscos: Vigésimotercero. Es deformación profesional, lo siento...

;)

Puri dijo...

Estoy con Ant y no es solidaridad femenina ;)
¿Has pensado dar de baja a tus asociadas? Aunque supongo que debe de dar un poco rollo porque es como borrar una parte de tu pasado. Pero mejor eso a que la próxima de la lista esté condenada directamente, no? ;)

dwalks dijo...

Hombre, Mordiscos, creo que ha quedado claro que yo soy el primero que tiene cierta sensibilidad y solidaridad con el tema y que si pudiera lo cambiaría, pero es que no se puede, ya lo ves.

Gracias Tony. Yo también creo en la maldición de la lista y creo que voy a ponerme serio con los del VIPS, que me van a arruinar la vida y me voy a quedar más sólo que la una.

Y Puri, no me parece tan grave como para ponerme a remover cielo y tierra para arreglarlo ahora, pero probablemente lo intentaré de nuevo si se volviera a dar la situación, o pasaré del VIPS y me iré de tapas.

would dijo...

Yo me presto voluntario para el 4º puesto. No me gusta nada el VIPS, pero si puedo servir de coartada para que le expliques a la próxima que esos eran unos antiguos amigos de la oficina, pues nada.

A tus pies.

Cris dijo...

Lo que podrías hacer es darte de baja, y luego volverte a dar de alta tú solito...No es cuestión de ser supersticioso y creer a pies juntillas en la maldición de la lista, pero oye, ¡No se pierde nada por intentarlo!

Y quién sabe, quizás, mientras estés hablando con la encargada del VIPS para arreglar este desaguisado, le miras, te mira, os miráis...y voilà! Fin de la maldición VIPS!

Yo probaría.

Amélie Poulain dijo...

Yo lo dejaría como está, al fin y al cabo como tú has dicho funciona como blog, un recuerdo en forma de billetitos VIPS. Borrar personas queda un poco triste y además, podría convertirse en una tarea complicada y eterna.

Lucyinthesky dijo...

Ufffff menos mal que siempre pierdo esas tarjetas....

Kenny dijo...

dwalks.. no te desahagas de esa tarjeta!! es como la cinta de video de "the ring", quien es incluido como asociado.. tiene los días contados. Has pensado en incluir a tu jefe o a algún compañero cabrón, o seguro que tienes una vecina maruja que tiene un caniche repelente que siempre que te los encuentras te muerde los tobillos.. Explora las posibilidades de tu tarjeta y amplía tu círculo de asociados.. seguro que se te ocurren más de uno y más de dos para añadirlos..

Mu'bueno el post!

Mordiscos de realidad dijo...

Tony: disculap, engeneral pido disculpas, es que entre que mi teclado esta en extranjero, setoy perdiendo mi idioma y no me leo lo que escribo(!) acaba escribiendo bs por vs y preposiciones cacafonicas.

Shakti dijo...

Pues yo tengo una amiga (ejem) a la que enviarían listines telefónicos en lugar de billetes...
La verdad es que todo el rollo "hacerse socio conjunto de la tarjeta VIPS" me parece como muy formal, igual se sentían presionadas... de la tarjeta conjunta (aunque sea de un vips) a matrimonio e hijos hay nada... es psicológico :-p

Un tipo raro dijo...

Dwalks... he de reconocer que éste es uno de los post más bueno que he leido en mucho tiempo.

Todo un año sentimental, resumido en una tarjeta Vips... es rocambolesco y poético. Me he emocionao.

kurt dijo...

muy buen post.

Nunca hemos usado tus puntos VIPS en nuestras periódicas orgías de grasa Friday's, y me parece fatal.

¿Celoso? SI

fujurdragonblanco dijo...

Y después de tanto drama... ¿no tienes la ORO?

Johan Schnabel dijo...

Joder con los VIPS ¿estás seguro que no es una oscura estrategia diseñada por la propia empresa para romper el mayor número de parejas posibles, pues estadísticamente está comprobado que uno sólo va con su pareja al VIP entre 20 y 25 veces, y al cambiar de pareja comienza una nueva estadística de consumo acumulado? Hum, algo huele a podrido en los VIPS.

Nepomuk dijo...

Si quieres yo te presto una solución para cuando asocies a tu pareja número 4 (que lo harás..lo haráaaaas...)

"Ya ves, cariño..no quise quitarlas porque como estaban todo el día inflándose a tortitas con nata las muy focas, pues me rentaban bastante beneficio. En cambio tú...mi gorrioncito...contigo no ganaré ni un chelín."

Hala. De nada.

Troy dijo...

Cabrón Would!
Cabrón Would!

Desde la mitad del post tenía mi comment en mente... y va ese usurpa ideas y se me adelanta...

Me vengaré...

Eride dijo...

¿Nos tenemos que creer que las chicas son tu excusa para comer? Si va a tener razón esta gente...menos mal que te leo justo después de cenar. Eres como los supermercados, como vayas con hambre estás perdida :-D

dwalks dijo...

interesantes y curradas todas vuestras teorías y recomendaciones, pero me temo que el maleficio que pesa sobre mi y mi tarjeta acumuladora no es tan sencillo de deshacer.

de momento sólo os puedo dar las gracias a todos porque hoy me he reído mucho y os aseguro que si algún día cambia algo (adición de nuevos miembros o reseteo definitivo la lista) os lo contaré.

oria dijo...

Que curioso, llevas varios días recibiendo reprimendas por tu poco éxito con las mujeres y decides (así de repente) nombrar algunas de tus conquistas con la excusa del Vip's...

¿o me equivoco?

dwalks dijo...

oria, es que esta historia sin los personajes que aparecen en ella no tendría sentido.

además, la última "conquista" de las mencionadas en el post se remonta a hace más de un año, con lo que no se puede decir que hablando de ellas cambie algo de lo que he hecho últimamente

y tu comentario acerca de mi poco éxito con las mujeres me ha hecho polvo, que sepas que me voy a pasar todo el día dibujando payasos tristes en mi cuaderno.

would dijo...

Todavía hay otra teoría que puedes explicar, ¿me equivoco?

Soy todo oídos.

PD: Troy, rencoroso

Troy dijo...

Would: Grrrr... grrrr... (caminando en circulo mientras maquina la venganza)

Bo Peep dijo...

Por cierto, lo que no cuentas es si ellas utilizaron la tarjeta y te sumaron puntos.
A mi hermana la pequeña la metí en mi tarjeta porque la tenía acogida en mi casa siendo becaria y ahora controlo todos sus pasos. Sé cuando va a cenar al Gino's de la Gran Vía o si se toma algo en el VIPS de la plaza de España. Me encantaría saber esos movimientos de mis ex. Sería genial.

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Девушки! кто работает, или работал на консумации за границей, расскажите, что это такое, как есть?
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